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Monthly Archives: July 2013

Who do voodoo? I do voodoo!

11 Jul

voodooPhoto from VintageDelirium’s Etsy shop via Google Images
(my doll is in storage and unavailable to appear in this post)

Question 22 (The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock)
If you could use a voodoo doll to hurt anyone you chose, would you?

I have, in fact, used a voodoo doll to try to hurt someone, but apparently I really suck at it.

The first Gulf War erupted when I was a freshman in college, and it was really the first time in my life I was aware that our troops–men and women about the same age I was–were fighting in a war and might not come home. It made me mad, it made me sad, and it scared me.

I’m not sure now how I came by the “Beast of Baghdad” voodoo doll, but I had no qualms about using it if there was even the remotest possibility that it would mean our soldiers could come home soon and safely. I hung him on my wardrobe door, where anyone who visited my dorm room could see exactly what I thought of the Iraqi leader.

I pinned the hell out of Saddam. By all rights he should have fallen over in complete agony somewhere in the desert sands, grasping at his eyes, his head, his heart, his genitals. I added new pins daily. I twisted the old pins. I invited friends to take a stab. If my doll had been effective, Saddam would have thrown himself in one of those hideous Kuwaiti oil well fires, just to end the torture.

Since I obviously don’t have the skills necessary to effectively use a voodoo doll to hurt someone, I don’t think I’d bother even going through the motions now. Besides, I’m usually pretty peaceable by nature, and don’t generally wish anyone physical harm. The “Beast of Baghdad” was just a tool to vent my frustration with a situation that was otherwise out of my control. That being said, if someone were to market an Edward Snowden voodoo doll…

 
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Posted by on July 11, 2013 in Deep Thought Thursday

 

Pack your bags…slowly

10 Jul

101_5505So, the moving company has come to do our pack out survey–a man in a suit wandered through every room, taking copious notes about the household items we plan to ship back to the States, asking questions, and occasionally raising an eyebrow. (Wait, don’t all your clients pack out 150 antique glass bottles, 8 vintage Singers, and a dozen copper bedwarmers?)

When he was done with his tour, he consulted his notes and informed me it would take four days to pack everything because we “have a lot of smalls.” (Hey, are you trying to be funny? I’ve lived here long enough to know that smalls are underwear. Does it also mean “breakable junk”?)

I stopped myself (just barely) from blurting out, “The packers in Japan did it all in one day! Even the dodgy crew we had in the States managed in a day and a half.” Instead, I fetched my calendar to see which week we could devote to this job. Settling on 22-25 July, the surveyor politely informed me that the chaps would take care of it all, I didn’t need to do a thing, and that they’d see me on Monday at about half-nine. (Half-nine?! That’s 9:30. Oh, okay, now I see how this is going to play out…we’re packing out British-style.)

I’m not sure why I thought moving house would occur at a less leisurely pace than any other activity here in the UK. The daily schedule of the two courses I took last month caught me off guard (I’d heard rumors of a typical day’s timeline, but had yet to personally experience one in all its glory), but since they were nearly identical, I suspect I got a preview of exactly how our four moving days will unfold. Here’s how I predict the chaps will operate each day:

  • 09:30-11:00 ~ Warm-up, get oriented with the day’s agenda, organize materials, begin packing
  • 11:00-11:30 ~ Tea break
  • 11:30-13:00 ~ Packing, enquire about nearby dining options, make lunch plans
  • 13:00-14:00 ~ Lunch
  • 14:00-15:30 ~ Packing
  • 15:30-16:00 ~ Tea break
  • 16:00-17:30 ~ Wind down the day’s packing, discuss tomorrow’s plan of attack, secure the truck for departure

Note: I am a little unsure about the length of the tea break…will it be a full 30 minutes, or since they are working (as opposed to sitting in a class like I did), will it be closer to 15? Time will tell.

I’m honestly not sure how I’m going to deal with the British pace of moving day(s). I’m used to running fast and furious to keep an eye on the crew for a long 10-12 hours, then being done, finished, complete. Four days in the chaos of a half-packed house is going to drive me to distraction. Won’t they (and hubby) be surprised when I stay up late and just finish the job myself after the truck drives away the first night!

 
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Posted by on July 10, 2013 in How It Could Be, True Life, What's She On About?

 

Love’s last flight

09 Jul

100_9530The sunset flight had been her birthday gift to him last week, and his face had lit up at the thought of crossing one more thing off his bucket list; he really needed to start adding to the list so as not to be bored senseless in his old age.

She had perused customer reviews on the balloon company’s website and studied ten years of meteorological data, trying to find a window of opportunity when cancellation due to weather was least likely, then finally just closed her eyes and pointed to a random square on the calendar.

She’d regretted her impulsive selection process when the sound of rain pattering against the windows awakened her before the alarm this morning, but the showers had passed before she’d even reached the bottom of her ritual mug of Earl Grey and the balloon pilot had rung at lunchtime to confirm their flight would depart as scheduled.

As they drifted silently above a breathtaking patchwork of carefully tended fields, bisected by an undulating ribbon of sparkling gold, the pilot gave a slight nod and she raised her glass of complementary champagne to toast the dwindling bucket list.

Then, with only a moment’s hesitation, she turned her face into the sun and tipped her husband over the side of the wicker basket, a new widow’s tear-choked prayers following his ashes as they billowed out in the balloon’s wake.

“Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist,” says Lillie as she offers up her weekly challenge on Lillie McFerrin Writes. The word she chose for this week’s inspiration was ‘flight’.

 

 
4 Comments

Posted by on July 9, 2013 in Challenges, Fiction, Tuesday Tales

 

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What can I do for you?

08 Jul

100_3545I know how to paint–I did our kitchen–but would rather
barter to find someone who can do the rest of the house.

If the world worked on a barter system, how would you fare? Would you have services to barter? Would you be successful, or would you struggle? (Monday’s prompt from The Daily Post.)

I think it would be AWESOME if the world worked on a barter system. Then I could finally create a resumé that really represents what I can do. I feel like I have a wide range of skills in a whole host of areas (and am adding to the list every day), so I think I’d be able to manage quite well in a bartering society. Here’s what I can offer:

  • teaching/tutoring (elementary math, science, and social studies; elementary through college level writing; ELL instruction for all ages)
  • custom picture framing
  • animal care
  • creating newsletters/flyers for your business
  • travel planning (Give me your travel dates, preferred mode of transport, and the type of activities you enjoy, and I’ll provide an entire itinerary)
  • assembling flat-pack furniture (can supply my own Allen wrenches)
  • handy(wo)man services (recaulk showers, minor plumbing repairs, install towel bars, hang pictures, program the DVR, etc.)
  • cooking (nothing gourmet, but I can follow a recipe)
  • house/office cleaning (I even do windows)
  • laundry (I can do minor repairs, such as stitching up a hem or sewing on a button, and will even iron under duress)
  • painting (interior–walls, ceilings, trim. I warn you, I am not fast, but I’m really type-A, so it’s quality work.)
  • tile floor installation (I learned to do this via Google, but I did a damn fine job, if I do say so myself.)
  • lawn care (mowing, weed-whacking, weed pulling–I will have a go at trimming the hedges, but do not guarantee results)
  • personal shopping
  • organizing (It’s much more interesting organizing other people’s stuff than my own)
  • spoon carving (*NEW*)

In return, I am seeking someone who can trade:

  • painting (Remember I said I’m not fast? I’ve got an entire house that needs painting.)
  • carpet cleaning
  • hardwood floor installation
  • mulch spreading
  • patio/deck design and construction
  • landscaping
  • tree removal
  • Thai foot massages
  • personal training

What do you think? Would you be willing/able to live in a barter-only society?  Know anyone who has studied Thai foot massage?

 
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Posted by on July 8, 2013 in How It Could Be, Monday Mix, On Me, The Daily Post Prompt, True Life

 

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Travel theme: Motion

07 Jul
Flag flying in the warm breeze over the Pearl Harbor Memorial, Hawaii
Buffalo wallowing in a dust bowl, near the Grand Canyon.
Aberdulais Falls, near Neath, Wales
Taking a spin at the Scottish Highland Games.
Loving the feel of the wind through his mane, Kynance Cove, Cornwall, England.
Just like flying…green sea turtle, Oahu, Hawaii
Flying down the track, yabasume exhibition, Kamakura, Japan
Emerging from the hot springs, near Nagano, Japan
Sumo smackdown, Tokyo, Japan
Leap-frog–no partner needed, Bibury, England
We double dog dare you to jump! Turtle Bay, Oahu, Hawaii
Fire dance, Polynesian Cultural Center, Oahu, Hawaii
Stretching his wings, Oxford Canal, Cropredy, England

Ailsa Prideaux-Mooney at Where’s My Backpack? provided the photo challenge for this week’s Sunday Best. Thanks to being frequently on the go myself, I’ve been able to capture lots of motion with my camera…

 
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Posted by on July 7, 2013 in Challenges, Photography, Sunday Best

 

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I’ve got sunshine on my shoulders

06 Jul

101_9060I’ve got sunshine on my shoulders

The cold, wet misery of the April 2012 to April 2013 British weather is becoming a distant memory, pushed away by several weeks of limited amounts of rain, warming temperatures (this is all relative…60° is definitely warmer than 40°, but does not inspire me to give up my sweaters), and lately, brilliant sun. So much sun, in fact, that despite vigilant use of sunblock on our last two weekends’ outings, I have tan lines! Granted, the tanned parts are only the backs of my hands and the back of my neck–even though the last two days neared 80°, memories of the cold and damp aren’t yet buried that deep, and I’m still leery of leaving the house in short sleeves. 🙂

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2013 in How It Is, Observations, On Me, Six Word Saturday, True Life

 

Woman’s work

05 Jul

rescuersPhoto copyright David Stewart

They said it would be lonely at the top. They obviously haven’t sat in this executive’s chair.

A sycophantic (but inconveniently indispensable) assistant dogs my every step; I’ve got to make like David Copperfield to pee in peace.

There’s always some new upstart scrambling up the corporate ladder, thinking it’ll be easy to get his name on my door.

I worked hard to earn this position and the million-dollar view that comes with it. I won’t be ousted anytime soon. As long as I’ve got the strength to lift my foot, these Jimmy Choos will keep kicking that ladder over.

This is my take on David Stewart’s photo prompt for this week’s Friday Fictioneers. It’s a more literal interpretation of the picture than I would have liked, but I just couldn’t shake that scenario from my mind.

 
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Posted by on July 5, 2013 in Challenges, Fiction

 

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