Technically, I’ve already done it. Since birth, I’ve been called by my middle name, Michelle, so when I got married and was changing my last name anyway, I decided to go ahead and drop my first name and use Michelle in its place (my maiden name is now my middle name). I like Michelle. It’s who I am. I can’t think of any other name I’d rather use. Besides, it’s kinda trendy. In the list of the 100 most popular names in the past 100 years, mine ranks #22.
So, since I sort of danced around answering the actual question, I thought I could maybe go off on a related tangent. What does my name mean? I found the customary definition: Michelle is a feminine form of Michael, which in Hebrew means “who is like God.” (I know some Michaels, and if there is any truth at all to that meaning, I am scared.)
That information didn’t wow me, so I continued down the rabbit hole of the internet to see what else I could dig up. Good ol’ Google led me to the Kabalarian Society’s website, where I could enter a few details to get a “free” analysis of my name. Okay–they didn’t ask for any money, and I’ve got a junk email account they can spam all they like, so I’ll bite.
Here’s what they turned up after careful analysis (which lasted approximately 1.3 seconds, if that gives any hint to its credibility):
Your first name of Michelle has formed an independent, positive, and determined personality.
Yeah, I will go along with that.
You are not easily influenced by the opinions of others, who may accuse you of being stubborn.
Umm, maybe. The hubby is nodding emphatically.
Once you have made a decision, you put forth great effort to accomplish your goals regardless of obstacles.
Oh yeah, they hit that one on the head.
Your progress is built upon your meticulous awareness of detail, your patience, and your consistent hardworking qualities.
Hmm, is this that perfectionist thing cropping up again?
You are a realist and could be interested in mathematics or technical sciences.
If developed, you have an ability to be inventive in practical fields of endeavor.
Hey now, I think I am quite inventive. And it came through my genes, it did not have to be “developed.”
You are interested in facts and figures and do well in positions that require great attention to detail, such as accounting, computer technology, or in research.
Never tried one of these career fields. Wonder if I could get hired just by adding this statement to my resume?
It is difficult for you to visualize or theorize unless the ideas being presented are developed in a logical step-by-step manner.
It is what you can see, experience, and prove through compilation of facts, experiment, and logic that has greatest value to you. You are rather skeptical of new ideas that are more visionary, idealistic, or philosophical.
I do like solid evidence, but I like to think I give more abstract ideas due consideration.
This name inhibits the inspirational quality of musical or artistic expression. Your interests would lean toward the practical, technical aspects of the arts.
Not going to argue with the music part. Not for a minute. Can’t carry a tune in a bucket, and have zero rhythm for dance. And I guess I can see where I am inhibited in my expression through visual arts…I do like the technical stuff. Hey, can I borrow that ruler for a minute?
You do not have great ambitions and your requirements in life are moderate.
I haven’t decided if I should take offense at the first part of this statement. Are they calling me lazy? Or are they trying to say that I’m not high maintenance? The latter is true, so I’ll go with that.
Your loyalty to, and appreciation for, your family and friends are shown by what you do for them rather than what you say. This name limits your ability to be expressive, imaginative, and versatile. As a result, this limitation causes repression and frustration at times. The more deeply you feel about someone, the harder it is for you to express the little attentions and compliments that mean so much to some people.
I gotta disagree here. I think I express myself through words and deed.
Since lavish affection embarrasses you, you do not appreciate being the target for endearing words.
I enjoy a sincere compliment, even if it makes me blush, but I don’t enjoy over-the-top public gushing. A simple good job and/or pat on the back are enough to give me warm fuzzies for days.
You are not overly conversational; in fact, at times, you consider time wasted when spent in idle chatter. You are more interested in being active and accomplishing the tasks you set for yourself.
So not true!! I enjoy a good chinwag, even if I don’t have a lot to contribute–sometimes the joy is in the listening. I enjoy the camaraderie of a nice chat AND the distraction from my to-do list.
Your lack of expression can lead to misunderstandings and unhappiness with those close to you who do not understand your practical, candid, somewhat self-centered approach. Humor and spontaneity are not natural expressions of this name. You are serious and methodical.
It kinda hurts to look at this one too closely. I am serious and methodical. But I do have a good sense of humor, and can be quite witty–it’s just that only those closest to me ever see that. To casual acquaintances and passers-by, I am afraid I might appear closed-off and unapproachable.
Practical creativity in such activities as cooking, baking, or fine needle work is of interest to you, since these activities combine mental ingenuity and physical skills.
Yep. I can read a cookbook and follow a crochet pattern with the best of them.
Health weaknesses of this name center in the head, resulting in such conditions as headaches, sinus problems, weak eyes, or in extreme instances, loss of hearing.
Really? My sinus problems are a direct result of my name???
Also, your fondness for heavier foods can affect the intestinal organs causing constipation, hemorrhoids, and even in severe cases, ulcers or growths.
Okay, TMI for one thing. Second, how can a name possibly determine one’s fondness for “heavier foods”? I’m not even going to dignify this one with a response.
If you’d like to see what your name says about you, you can get your own full profile “for free” on the Kabalarian website (they analyze your first and last names, along with your birthdate, so they can tell you just how out of alignment you are). More generic first name meanings are also available without entering any personal information. If you are unhappy with your life, it’s probably because you have the wrong name. So if you really like the taste of the Kabalarian Kool-Aid, you can request their suggestions for a more suitable name, then head to the local courthouse and change your destiny. I think I’ll play the hand I’ve been dealt. Michelle I shall stay.