Hmm, what have we here?

Let’s play a little game. I’ll name some items, you guess what they all have in common. Ready?  Here goes.

• safety pin
• scratch-off lottery ticket
• lollipop stick
• sock

Got it yet? No? Okay, I’ll give you a few more.

• cat feces (?)
• button
• dog food
• candy wrapper

Did those help? Still no? These last few should do it.

• a collar stay
• lint
• two used dryer sheets

Betcha have it all figured out now. These are all things I found when I pulled out the washer this afternoon. And the best part? They were all floating on a lake of petrified fabric softener. Rarely have I been so grossed out.

It was bad enough when I looked between the washer and dryer…

…and then I pulled the washer all the way out. Egads!!!

Exactly how did so much fabric softener get on the floor?

Did a bottle, possibly stored on top of the dryer, tip over when no one was watching and empty its entire contents? (Some rivulets down the adjoining sides of the washer and dryer support this theory.) Didn’t anyone notice that the once-full bottle was suddenly empty? Why wouldn’t that someone pull out the machines and clean up the mess?

Is the fabric softener dispenser (located in the agitator post inside the washer) broken, so that any fabric softener added just runs straight out the bottom of the machine and onto the floor? Didn’t anyone notice that their clothes were static-y and neither soft and fluffy nor outdoor fresh? Wouldn’t that someone investigate why they were spending good money on fabric softener and not seeing any of its advertised results? (Do you think that someone instead sent nastygrams to the fabric softener manufacturer demanding a refund?)

More disturbing…how long has the fabric softener been on the floor? It was completely solidified. This did not happen last month. Has no one cleaned the laundry room floor in five years? We had four different tenant families. And the house was supposedly cleaned by professionals between tenants. So why is it that I am the one who lost a whole hour of her life scooping, scraping, and scrubbing away all evidence of that hideous lake and all its flotsam?

Lord, save me from what may be lurking beneath the fridge.

P.S. The scratch-off lottery ticket (already scratched) was a winner. But there was NO WAY I was handing that revolting little card to the clerk at the local convenience store to claim a dollar. I’d like the staff not to cringe in disgust every time I walk in to pay for gas or buy a soda in the coming years.