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Category Archives: True Life

The tale of the un-genki benki

broken benjo

I’ve always been a sucker for unique antiques. Anything unusual, in purpose or design, catches my eye. I like to imagine its history, its story, then envision ways I can repurpose it. So when I saw a hand-painted blue and white porcelain benki (squatty toilet) at an antique vendor’s stall in Japan, I just had to have it, even though I wasn’t yet sure whether it was going to become a planter or if my cat was going to have the world’s fanciest litter box.

When we got ready to move from Japan, I had the benki, encased in a plastic bag (it was once a toilet after all), stored in the spare room. When our belongings arrived at our next post in England, I expected to find the benki among the other miscellaneous junk I was unpacking from boxes that originated in the spare room. Imagine my surprise when I pulled it out of a box of dishes in the kitchen! I was incensed.

It was a Japanese toilet. The packers were Japanese. They pulled it out of the plastic bag before packing it, so they had to know what it was. People who change into completely different slippers when entering the bathroom so as not to contaminate their house slippers surely would not pack a toilet in the same box as dishes. What were they thinking? Did they think I didn’t know what it was, so I wouldn’t care that a toilet rode 5900 miles next to my dinner plates, separated only by a few thin layers of packing paper?

Apparently, even if it wasn’t hygienic, they knew what they were doing, because the benki arrived in England intact.

The packers in England, despite never having seen a benki, instinctively knew not pack a toilet with kitchen items. They wrapped it in bubble wrap all by itself. It went into a crate with boxes and furniture and a bike, and had no chance of contaminating my dinner plates on its 3600 mile journey to the US.

Apparently, even if it was hygienic, they did not know what they were doing, because the benki arrived in Virginia in pieces.

I am very sad. Not just because I now have neither a planter nor the world’s fanciest litter box. I’m sad because I equate buying antiques to rescuing unwanted pets from an animal shelter. When I choose a piece and make it mine, I become its guardian, its voice, its guarantee of continued existence. I once held a very unique piece of Japanese porcelain in my hands, prepared to show off its beauty and tell its story to an audience on a whole new continent, and I failed to protect it. I feel as guilty as I would if a cat I adopted ran out into the street and got hit by a car.

 
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Posted by on September 18, 2013 in True Life, What's She On About?

 

No rest for the weary

kitchen boxesIs all of this really ours?

This is just the stack of boxes for the kitchen. Every room has a similar mountain. I console myself with the fact that everything in those boxes recently fit comfortably in a house with half the square footage of our current house. Theoretically, there should be ample space for everything. I just wonder how many times I’ll have to rearrange it all before there’s a place for everything and everything is in its place.

 
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Posted by on September 14, 2013 in Six Word Saturday, True Life

 

Grace I ain’t

photo

Question 199 (The Complete Book of Questions by Garry Poole)
How accident-prone are you? Describe a recent incident.

I go through spells–not sure if it has to do with the phases of the moon or the alignment of the stars or just dumb luck–when I am literally a walking accident. At those times, there’s not enough bubble wrap in the world to protect me from myself.

Take that bruised leg in the photo, for example. I got that bruise at the gas station. And you thought the only danger at the pump was blowing yourself to kingdom come if your cell phone rings! I am proof that even the most mundane tasks can be dangerous. When I hopped out of the car to refuel, my upper body swung the door closed before my lower body got out of the way. Hence, the bottom corner of the door gouged the side of my calf.

It is one of those injuries that hurts like holy hell…but I couldn’t look at it or grab it or hop around cursing lest I had to explain to someone what just happened. I had to calmly circle to the opposite side of the car and insert my debit card into the pump, pretending it was the wind funneling between the fueling islands causing my eyes to water. With every penny that clicked by on the digital display, I had to pretend that I could not feel a hematoma swelling under my skin, threatening to burst free like an alien.

I wish I could say that this was the first time I’d slammed my leg with the car door. Or even the second. But I have run out of fingers on the first hand and have moved on to the second. I’d like to think that I’ve finally learned my lesson, that I shouldn’t be required to completely encase my lower legs in shin guards before getting in the car, but with my tendency to be accident-prone, I suspect the tally will soon require toes.

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2013 in Deep Thought Thursday, On Me, True Life

 

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Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike…What day is it, Mike?

camelGeico Camel retrieved from Google Images

Hump day! Woot! Woot!

Around here this week, it means we’re standing smack in the middle of two deliveries of household effects. The items we left behind in storage when we headed out of the States five years ago were delivered yesterday. By mid-afternoon today, we’d unpacked the majority of it, and it was kinda like Christmas. We had to stop every few minutes to hold up something we’d unwrapped from layers of packing paper and say, “Hey, I remember this!”

On one hand, it’s nice to see some of these things again…many of them family treasures (Grandma’s china, Dad’s toy car) or souvenirs of our respective and collective pasts (the hubby’s tennis medals, my high school yearbooks, our Lions Club awards) that we were either afraid to move because of their fragility or reluctant to take because they would not fit comfortably in a Japanese-sized house.

But on the other hand I have to think, “If we forgot about these things in the five years they were out of sight, how important are they really? Do we truly need them?” Of course, I know the answers. But it’s so hard to take sentimentality out of the equation. We’ll see what happens in the coming days–the math could get significantly easier with the next delivery.

The stuff we actually humped around the world from the States to Japan to England and back again (to which, ahem, we might have added one or two things in our travels) arrives tomorrow, and there’s twice (three times??) as much of that as there was in storage. Sentimentality may finally be trumped by frustration practicality as we try to find a place for everything.

It is very unfortunate timing that the community wide yard sale is planned for this Saturday…if it were being held a week later, I would probably be out there selling off the excess. I wonder if Goodwill makes house calls?

 
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Posted by on September 11, 2013 in How It Is, True Life, What's She On About?

 

What’s the link?

Hmm, what have we here?

Hmm, what have we here?

Let’s play a little game. I’ll name some items, you guess what they all have in common. Ready?  Here goes.

  • safety pin
  • scratch-off lottery ticket
  • lollipop stick
  • sock

Got it yet? No? Okay, I’ll give you a few more.

  • cat feces (?)
  • button
  • dog food
  • candy wrapper

Did those help? Still no? These last few should do it.

  • a collar stay
  • lint
  • two used dryer sheets

Betcha have it all figured out now. These are all things I found when I pulled out the washer this afternoon. And the best part? They were all floating on a lake of petrified fabric softener. Rarely have I been so grossed out.

Exactly how did so much fabric softener get on the floor?

Did a bottle, possibly stored on top of the dryer, tip over when no one was watching and empty its entire contents? (Some rivulets down the adjoining sides of the washer and dryer support this theory.) Didn’t anyone notice that the once-full bottle was suddenly empty? Why wouldn’t that someone pull out the machines and clean up the mess?

Is the fabric softener dispenser (located in the agitator post inside the washer) broken, so that any fabric softener added just runs straight out the bottom of the machine and onto the floor? Didn’t anyone notice that their clothes were static-y and neither soft and fluffy nor outdoor fresh? Wouldn’t that someone investigate why they were spending good money on fabric softener and not seeing any of its advertised results? (Do you think that someone instead sent nastygrams to the fabric softener manufacturer demanding a refund?)

More disturbing…how long has the fabric softener been on the floor? It was completely solidified. This did not happen last month. Has no one cleaned the laundry room floor in five years? We had four different tenant families. And the house was supposedly cleaned by professionals between tenants. So why is it that I am the one who lost a whole hour of her life scooping, scraping, and scrubbing away all evidence of that hideous lake and all its flotsam?

Lord, save me from what may be lurking beneath the fridge.

P.S. The scratch-off lottery ticket (already scratched) was a winner. But there was NO WAY I was handing that revolting little card to the clerk at the local convenience store to claim a dollar. I’d like the staff not to cringe in disgust every time I walk in to pay for gas or buy a soda in the coming years.

 
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Posted by on September 9, 2013 in Monday Mix, Observations, True Life

 

Imponderables

100_1561Things that make you go hmmm

As you may have heard, the hubby and I have been living overseas for the past five years. During that time, we kept our house in Virginia and rented it out to four different families. Now back in the States, we have been pleasantly surprised to find how well the string of tenants have taken care of our home.

Five years is a long time, though, so some general sprucing up is called for before we move back in. Fresh paint on the walls, new flooring on the lower level, deep cleaning throughout.

To get ready for the painters, the hubby and I had to remove all of the switch plates and outlet covers. Today, I washed all the covers from the upper floor. Just for outlets, there were 33 covers. That translates to 70–SEVENTY–individual outlets. On the upper level only. I didn’t get to the pile from downstairs.

So can someone please tell me why I can never find a place to plug in the vacuum cleaner?

 
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Posted by on September 7, 2013 in Observations, Six Word Saturday, True Life

 

No, I’ve got it, thanks

ask for helpThis week’s Deep Thought Thursday question was actually the writing prompt issued yesterday by The Daily Post. Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it, or do you prefer to rely only on yourself? Why?

I am not good at asking for help. There are several possible reasons for this shortcoming, but I suspect the real answer is some combination of all of the below:

I have some control issues. It’s not that I think other people can’t do something as well, or better, than I could. I know they can. But as soon as I add something to my to-do list, I’ve also mapped out in my head exactly how I will do it and what the result will be. When I’ve given up control and turned over one of those items in the past, it’s like someone flips a switch on my personality–a pleasant, mild-mannered, don’t-sweat-the-small-stuff pacifist becomes a tense, hand-wringing, micro-managing witch with a capital B. It’s not a pleasant experience for anyone involved (anyone being, most often, the hubby–this Jekyll-Hyde transformation has never occurred at work). I don’t like who I become, and I certainly don’t like subjecting anyone to the dark side of my personality, so I very rarely ask for help.

I loathe being an inconvenience to anyone. I’m busy, you’re busy, we’re all busy. I don’t like adding to anyone else’s workload when they’ve already got a dozen balls in the air. I’ll juggle mine (and probably offer to take one or two of yours off your hands) and work myself into exhaustion rather than ask for help.

I fear looking weak or incompetent (even if no one sees but me). As a result, I have moved furniture up and down countless flights of stairs singlehandedly, I have tiled a floor with only Google by my side (I did cave and ask a sales person at Lowes to cut a couple weird shapes for me, but only after my blisters had blisters from using the tile nippers), and I have spent hours troubleshooting minor computer issues rather than enlisting assistance from others far more qualified than I. Although in reality it is probably nothing more than sheer stubbornness, I prefer to think it’s a matter of pride, a refusal to admit defeat. If I’ve tackled a project on my own, especially if it is something new and out of my comfort zone, I have an innate need to independently see it through to successful completion. Otherwise, I’d have to admit there is something I can’t do. And as long as humanly possible, I intend to work under the delusion that I can do absolutely anything I set my hand and mind to.

On the flip side, if someone sees me struggling and offers to help, I try to accept gratefully and gracefully. I mean I certainly wouldn’t want to look controlling…or lazy…or bull-headed…

 

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