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Message?

15 Apr

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The 22° halo is not a rare phenomenon. It is simply an atmospheric optic caused by the sun’s rays glinting through the millions of ice crystals in wispy cirrostratus clouds three to five miles above the earth. These rainbow-colored halos can be seen circling the sun any time of the year in any region of the world. Or so the internet tells me.

I saw my first one seven years ago, the day after my dad died without warning at age 58.

Above all else, my dad wanted me to be happy. If he ever saw that I was down or troubled or upset, he’d tell me–beg me, really–to smile. I, in turn, never wanted my dad to be upset or disappointed or unhappy with me, so I always tried to put on a cheerful face when he asked. At the worst of times–when he held me as I cried over my grandmother’s death, in a comforting email he sent me during the horrific days after 9/11–Dad would tell me to smile and somehow I would find the strength to rein in my emotions and do as he asked. His request could not take away the pain from tragic events, but it did help to balance the overwhelming feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion by giving me a different focus. For above all else, I wanted my dad to be happy.

On April 16, 2006, driving back to my parents’ Maryland home after a quick trip to Virginia to pack some clothes, numb and nauseous as I tried once more to absorb the reality of the previous day’s news that my dad was gone, GONE, I saw a 22° halo as I neared the Potomac River. I had to pull the car over while I gave in to deep, keening, hiccup-inducing sobs, because I just knew that halo was my dad’s way of telling me that he was okay, that I would be okay–and that he was asking me once more to smile for him. I’ve never had to work harder to regain control or put on a brave face, but as the halo slowly faded, some of the knife-sharp despair started to drain away too. Dad’s final message was the only thing that helped me get through those first terrible days after his death, as well as the series of further trials and tragedies that seemed destined to bury me in the subsequent months.

The second time I saw a 22° halo, about six months ago while sitting in a friend’s back yard, I immediately sensed it was my dad just checking in. I watched the colors brighten as the sun sank behind a neighboring roof, and I realized what a comfort the echo of his ritual request has been in the years of his absence, even though his deep voice and warm hug no longer accompany it.

“I got your message, Dad,” I whispered. And I smiled.

 
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Posted by on April 15, 2013 in How It Is, How It Was, Memoirs, Monday Mix, True Life

 

Incomplete

10 Apr

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Yep, you’ve seen that photo before. Day before yesterday, in fact, as the poster child for “Grime” in my Gallimaufry post. That’s because nothing has changed–the project is incomplete. Yesterday didn’t progress in quite the way I’d envisioned, so all 100+ bottles are still soaking in my husband’s bathtub. Now, because of a full schedule and a tulip-peeping trip, that’s where they’ll sit until Monday. Often, I can hide the fact that my best laid plans got derailed and a project wasn’t completed on schedule. But in this case, the evidence is pretty blatant. On the plus side, my husband never takes a bath (his bathroom has a separate shower stall that he uses instead). A five-day soak is certainly not going to hurt these bottles, and might actually make my impending attack with the scrub brush less arduous. On the down side, I’ve junked up my husband’s bathroom for longer than I intended. Although using the bathtub was his idea, I still feel guilty for invading his space–he’ll return home on Sunday night, tired from travel, and have to start his new week faced by this chaos. I’m sorry, hon, and I promise not to drag home any more scrungy bottles from the antique fair on Monday unless your bathtub has first been restored to its customary vacant condition!

 
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Posted by on April 10, 2013 in Challenges, How It Is, True Life, What's She On About?

 

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Appetites

01 Apr

flaming onion volcanoPhoto credit Angie Jordan, sister-in-law

When my husband and I lived in Japan, we used to laugh at how the food was “Japanesed” in every non-Japanese restaurant we tried. Chefs doctored Mexican, Indian, and Italian food to include traditional Japanese ingredients and to suit Japanese palates. Not even American fast food chains were exempt from tampering—McDonald’s offered an ebi (shrimp) filet and a “juicy” chicken sandwich made from the fattiest, gnarliest dark meat you’d ever want to see, and Pizza Hut’s menu was a complete shock to an American searching for a taste of home. Who ever heard of putting tuna, mayo, and corn on a pizza…much less squid, seaweed, and fish eggs?

Now that we’re living in a small village in England, eating out has generally been limited to the nearby traditional English pubs where we’ve been sampling what we assume to be traditional English food (meaning loads of delicious, fresh, local ingredients seasoned with a dash of salt and maybe a flake or two of pepper if the chef is really daring). Lately though, our travels have taken us to some larger towns and cities where we’ve encountered a more exotic variety of dining choices, and sure enough, the English corrupt ethnic cuisine as well. In our tourist adventures this weekend, for example, we found ourselves an “authentic” Indian restaurant owned and operated by “authentic” Indians (and not second or third generation UK citizens, judging by their accents) where I could have supplemented any of the “authentic” entrées (i.e. prepared with something approaching the correct amount of spice, which is the equivalent of adding napalm for most Brits) with a side of chips (complete with malt vinegar). We also tried an Italian establishment, where my starter of creamy garlic mushrooms (garlic is also considered heavy artillery in the spice arsenal) was served on top of a Yorkshire pudding. I’m willing to bet I couldn’t walk into a true Thai restaurant in Bangkok and expect to order a sticky toffee pudding for dessert.

Please don’t think that for one second I believe ethnic cuisine in America is unmolested. I knew that Taco Bell was not Mexican food, but until I lived and travelled overseas, I didn’t realize to what extent we’d adapted foreign foods to meet our gastronomic expectations. I’ve been to Hong Kong, where despite their autonomy from the mainland nation, they eat a lot of Chinese food, and they’ve never even heard of General Tso’s chicken. In three years in Japan, I didn’t see a single Japanese steakhouse where a Chinese “chef,” assisted by a Mexican “sous-chef” would toss eggs into his tall white hat, build a flaming volcano of onion rings, or toss grilled shrimp into the open mouths of sixteen strangers seated around a scorching hot griddle-cum-table. However, I think despite its reputation as a cultural melting pot and an abundance of Americanized dining establishments, the US does still offer plenty of opportunities to find authentic ethnic cuisine. Thanks to immigrants who have held fiercely to their native customs and been willing to share their dietary traditions with their adopted homeland, Americans with an adventurous appetite can travel the culinary world without even applying for a passport.

Thus begins the April A to Z Challenge. A big thanks to challenge founder Arlee Bird for inspiring a legion of bloggers to expand their creative horizons, and for fostering a supportive community where they can also receive encouragement and feedback!

 
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Posted by on April 1, 2013 in Challenges, How It Is, Monday Mix, True Life

 

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Rebellion

30 Mar

101_2924Dammit, Winter, you can’t stop us!!!

This British winter, which from a Virginia girl’s perspective I would argue officially began in November 2011, has tried its best to break us. The frigid temperatures, the leaden skies, the incessant precipitation in all its liquid and frozen incarnations, the howling winds–they’ve all conspired to suck every last bit of enthusiasm out of our desire to travel and explore this country. But we have stood firm in our resolution to get out there and do as much as we can before we have to leave England. This weekend is no exception. We are exploring the Lake District, moving as nimbly as we can through towns and along footpaths in our numerous layers of clothing topped by multiple layers of outerwear. In intermittent snow flurries, we conquered Keswick today, roaming the Saturday market, browsing in numerous shops, wandering through the pencil museum, and completing a Top Secret Treasure Trails Spy Mission before embarking on a four-mile circular walk along the Greta River. By day’s end, we had racked up 11 frosty miles on the old pedometer, and had defiantly thumbed our noses at Old Man Winter once more (although I must admit by the end of the afternoon, my sole mission in life had been to return to the B&B for a hot shower, my flannel pjs, and a cup of tea). Rebels that we are, tomorrow we’ll bundle up again and explore the length of Windermere, the longest lake in the District at just over 11 miles, via a four-mile trail and a series of teeth-chattering boat hops between villages.

While we’ve obviously demonstrated that we are not afraid to go and do our thing even when the weather outside is frightful, we are vehemently lobbying for some warm and/or sunny spring weather when we explore Northern Wales over the upcoming Bank Holiday weekend in May!

 
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Posted by on March 30, 2013 in How It Is, True Life

 

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Beef

28 Mar

Moo

Question 73
Would you be willing to go to a slaughterhouse and kill a cow? Do you eat meat?

No, and yes. There. Am I done? Can I go now?

Dr. Gregory Stock makes sure there’s no moral dilemma left untouched in The Book of Questions. I don’t like this question, because I’m not sure what it says about my character.

I knowingly and willingly kill flies, spiders (unless they are Daddy Longlegs), and mosquitoes. I have, on two different occasions, passively murdered mice. The one that died by poisoning took her last breath in the middle of my living room floor (my dad swore to me it would eat the D-Con then run outside and die while it was searching for water and I’d never see it), and I cried for an hour thinking of the babies I had orphaned. The second one got caught in a trap at work, but the trap had not humanely broken the mouse’s neck, and I had to club it to end its suffering. Cried about two hours, plus had nightmares, after that one. I used to fish with my grandfather, and finally stopped trying to revive the bass and bream by mouth-to-mouth once I realized I was going to have to fillet them whether they were still flopping about or not.

But even though I am technically a serial killer, there is no way on this earth I could kill a cow. Or a pig. Or a chicken. I don’t have any good reasons for being selectively homicidal. I don’t believe animals and insects that are small or don’t meet the classic ideal of cuteness have any less right to life than other creatures. If I had endless hours in the day, I would probably catch the flies that bang themselves senseless against the third floor windows and the spiders that drop from my ceilings like Marines rappelling from a Blackhawk, then turn them all loose outside (like I do with moths and ladybugs). I have switched to live traps on the rare occasions when I can hear a mouse scrabbling about in the walls. And my husband’s refusal to eat fish has converted me to a catch and release angler. Slowly but surely I am reforming my murderous ways, although the flies and mosquitoes will probably never be able to stop looking over their shoulders.

I have always said that if I had grown up on a farm, I would be a vegetarian. Not only would I not be able to slaughter an animal myself, I wouldn’t be able to stand knowing someone I loved was doing it either. But I didn’t grow up on a farm, and I eat meat. It doesn’t bother me in the least to let some faceless butcher in a distant city do the dirty work so I can throw a steak on the grill. Buying beef from a refrigerated case is cold (no pun intended) and impersonal. All I’m looking for is the package with the leanest cuts and the smallest bones. My brain does not wander to what this creature looked like on the hoof, with its velvety nose and long-lashed brown eyes. I don’t allow myself to think what its life might have been like, good or bad, neither lush green pastures nor dirty, crowded feedlots. My head is firmly in the sand…I see a plastic-wrapped styrofoam tray of meat, nothing more, nothing less.

I feel very conflicted about this attitude…if I am not willing to kill a cow myself for food, why am I not morally opposed to someone else killing it for me? Killing is killing. I feel that somehow I am a hypocrite, although I realize I am in the company of millions of like-minded carnivores. I guess the easiest thing to do is just carry on not thinking about where the meat I’m buying has come from and not worrying about the ethics of the whole situation. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go throw a beef stir fry in the pan, because all of this deep thought is making me hungry.

 
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Posted by on March 28, 2013 in Deep Thought Thursday, Food, How It Is, On Me, True Life

 

Introspection

25 Mar

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I was reading Rarasaur’s latest post this morning, in which she mentioned having recently taken a quiz to assess her character strengths. Hmm, I thought, I am going to be looking for a new job in a few months, so maybe a little insight into my own strengths might be useful ammunition for sprucing up my resumé and answering questions during interviews. The quiz was a painless 15 minutes of clicking radio buttons, rating how accurately specific statements describe me on a scale from one to five. At the end, I got a link to an instant ranking of the character strengths (twenty-four were assessed) I exhibit. Note: I could have dropped $20 to get a 19-page in-depth analysis of each strength and how it manifests itself in my life, or for $40 I could have purchased a complete set of graphs, statistics, and psychobabble suitable for sharing with my coach, therapist, manager, or consultant, along with exercises for further developing each strength. Since I haven’t got a coach, therapist, manager, or consultant, I opted for the free list, displayed below for your entertainment.

Character Strength #1
Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence
You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.

Character Strength #2
Prudence
You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret.

Character Strength #3
Fairness
Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.

Character Strength #4
Honesty
You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a “real” person.

Character Strength #5
Judgment
Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.

Character Strength #6
Leadership
You excel at the tasks of leadership: encouraging a group to get things done and preserving harmony within the group by making everyone feel included. You do a good job organizing activities and seeing that they happen.

Character Strength #7
Perspective
Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.

Character Strength #8
Gratitude
You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.

Character Strength #9
Social intelligence
You are aware of the motives and feelings of other people. You know what to do to fit in to different social situations, and you know what to do to put others at ease.

Character Strength #10
Curiosity
You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.

Character Strength #11
Forgiveness
You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.

Character Strength #12
Kindness
You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.

Character Strength #13
Humility
You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty.

Character Strength #14
Teamwork
You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated teammate, you always do your share, and you work hard for the success of your group.

Character Strength #15
Love
You value close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you.

Character Strength #16
Hope
You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.

Character Strength #17
Perseverance
You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you “get it out the door” in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.

Character Strength #18
Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.

Character Strength #19
Humor
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.

Character Strength #20
Zest
Regardless of what you do, you approach it with excitement and energy. You never do anything halfway or halfheartedly. For you, life is an adventure.

Character Strength #21
Creativity
Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.

Character Strength #22
Self-Regulation
You self-consciously regulate what you feel and what you do. You are a disciplined person. You are in control of your appetites and your emotions, not vice versa.

Character Strength #23
Bravery
You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.

Character Strength #24
Spirituality
You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.

I was kind of surprised that Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence ranked as Strength #1–not that I don’t think it’s a major facet of my personality, I just expected it to rank below the next four traits. If anyone had asked me to rank Fairness, Honesty, and Judgement based on my own perceptions of how they apply in my life, I would have declared a three-way tie…and I wonder if my scores were actually tied in the survey, since these three strengths are listed in alphabetical order (if I’d paid $40 for the graphs, I’d know for sure!). If you’d asked me twenty years ago whether I thought Leadership would ever rank in my top 10 (or even top 50) character strengths, I’d have said no way, I am way too meek to be a leader. So I’m quite pleased that I’ve made significant progress in that aspect of my personality. I honestly expected Curiosity to rank higher, because I always have a million questions about everything, but maybe because I do try to filter them in order not to drive everyone around me crazy, that trait didn’t score so high on the questionnaire. I also expected Love of Learning to be much higher on the list, so I must not actually be doing as much as I think I am in that area. That’s definitely a strength I’d like to improve upon, but I bet I can figure out some strength-building activities on my own, without input from a coach, therapist, manager, or consultant (even though Creativity did only rank #21, so maybe not). Perseverance also needs to move up the list, although I’m not really surprised to see it in the bottom third. I have really good intentions in all situations, and my completion rate is outstanding when some other entity is holding me accountable, but my follow-through drops off if it’s a project I’ve set for myself and there are no consequences (other than a lack of personal fulfillment and feeling of accomplishment) if the task doesn’t get done. It does not shock me to see Spirituality as my weakest character strength. I do believe I am a spiritual person (though not a religious person, and in my mind there’s a big difference), but that is a very personal side of my personality, and not one that I explicitly share with others. I am content to let it lie at the bottom of the list, because I do think my beliefs guide the rest of my actions–I don’t knowingly cause harm, I help whenever I can, I stand up for what is right–and I’m happy to carry on doing so without any recognition of my spiritual motivation. So long as I never give anyone reason to claim that I did not act in a spiritually guided way, I feel fulfilled in that feature of my character.

So, having taken this Character Strength Assessment, I’m not convinced that it will be of much use in securing new employment…not sure Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence is a marketable skill in many fields. However, it provides fuel for some serious introspection and guidelines for personal growth, which are never bad things. In the meantime, if anyone knows of a similar assessment for career-related strengths that might actually be applicable when I attempt to re-enter the full-time workforce, I’d appreciate the link!

 
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Posted by on March 25, 2013 in How It Is, Monday Mix, Observations, On Me

 

Focusing

23 Mar

HPIM1671I spy with my little eye

Thanks to gracious visitors to my own site, I’ve found lots of fun and interesting blogs to follow since I started my little blogging resolution in January. Thinking initially that I’d found just one more way to lose myself in the internet and hone my procrastination skills, I’m pleasantly surprised to report that I’ve actually been using these resources to fuel my imagination and expand my blogging horizons. I recently viewed a post by Cee Neuner at Cee’s Photography, where I learned about a photo challenge hosted by Ailsa Prideaux-Mooney on Where’s My Backpack? Each week, Ailsa suggests a theme, and encourages both aspiring (me) and actual (Cee) photographers to share the photos they believe best represent their interpretation of said theme. In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, Ailsa had declared last week Travel Theme: Green, and though I did not submit anything for the challenge, I kept it in mind when I was walking on Thursday.

It’s amazing how much you see when you have a specific focus. Knowing that I was looking for green, my eye was drawn to stuff I know I’ve passed a hundred times without noticing. For the first time on Thursday, I noticed that one of my favorite houses along the canal route has bright glossy green shutters–in the past I’d been too busy taking in the overall imposing brick structure of the home and the mystery of its always-burning ceiling light in the second floor window to notice the shutters. I noticed how many of the canal boats sport green–from dark forest green hulls to intricately painted folk art in kelly green on the bows (one visiting boat that is not usually moored there was even christened “Greenfinch”–thanks for playing!). Of course, there were endless opportunities to photograph plants. I found an old log covered in a thick-piled carpet of spring-green moss, and some dark green clumps of snowdrops cowering in the shelter of a sturdy hedge. And then I saw the algae garden growing on the exposed wall of an empty lock along the canal (pictured above). At first, I was quite taken by all the different kinds of algae in such a small area, then by all the shades and textures of each variety. Unfortunately, being on the opposite side of the canal precluded me from taking any macro shots (too cold for a swim, and no boats in sight approaching the lock who might have let me hop aboard for a few quick snaps), but my hands were itching to pet the velvety carpet of algae on the left, glide over the slimy glop in the middle, and lift the trailing strands of the clump anchored at the top right.

Whether I ever publicly respond to Ailsa’s challenges or just use some of her past suggestions to guide future photo walks, I like the sense of purpose I felt going out in the world armed with a theme. It was a powerful experience to note how much my eyes were opened to new sights and how I gained new perspectives on familiar sights. For too long I’ve been so busy looking at the forest that I didn’t see the trees…

 
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Posted by on March 23, 2013 in How It Is, Observations, On Me, True Life

 

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